Monday, April 30, 2012

Bitch and moan.

There are some people who can never be happy for other people, who can never understand what it means to achieve that dream, who never know what risk means beyond the dictionary, who never understand what went in to achieve that dream. They instead chose to bitch about other points that aren't centric to the issue just because they couldn't dare to take a step forward in their own pursuits…

Ahh! The fallacies of human nature…

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

you do this to me everytime

its been over a month here in india and seeing the end of my stay in sight, a weird feeling of nostalgia has taken over me. this has been perhaps my longest stay after i moved out of the country. i am sure anybody, native, who comes to visit this country always feels this way on his / her way back. i had a really good company of friends. a lot of good nights out having fun in one form or the other. then again, i was at home so there is that feeling. but i think most of all that i would miss is my identity of an indian. out here i share a common identity. i don't have to make an effort to establish that identity which has been ingrained in me since my childhood. i am at ease.

after staying for so long and then visiting for short durations it gets you. first foot into the country and you see her mischievous smile and eyes as if asking where have i been all this long. and then of course when you try to get re-acquainted with her you notice that she is not what your memory had her to be. she has changed in countless ways without you and expects you to make the effort to familiarize yourself with her. and just when you are getting comfortable with her you are all set to head back from where you once came, leaving an unfinished conversation with her. and that is all you'll get.

you will take this unfinished conversation and yearn to finish it, perhaps the next time.alas! that is a lie and you don't acknowledge it to be a lie....

Friday, August 05, 2011


the buck stops here!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

dont make no sense

To me: The plot that Lucifer goes against the will of God is ludicrous, since the premise is that nothing strays away from the will of God.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010


the sub conscious is a terrible place. we have a terrible understanding of the conscious part of ourselves, sub conscious is a whole different league. it has in it deeply seated thoroughly processed ideas, highly opinionated answers which, on the face of it, a person would deny any bias whatsoever.

the outcome or behavior of the sub conscious ,when manifested, can be termed as highly irrational, mainly because it contradicts the rational lie that the conscious self is purporting. we all have a mad man inside of us. a state when he is sedated and when he is active. more specifically we function in 2 states:

1. an irrational state - here the mind primarily becomes reptilian and seeks out to protect itself through whatever means necessary.

2. not so irrational but not completely rational state - no man can be completely rational. there are a few strands of irrationality found.

state #2 is where the person usually stays when he is not in stress. when a man is left to fend for himself is when he is more often in state #1 than in state #2.

we are in stress as a result of fear. fear is one strong emotion that evokes the darkest of behavior in us. and in hindsight one often wonders about the course of actions that he had undertaken. what had seemingly made sense then,now in hindsight, makes him question his decisions.

today, we live in a world with high stress levels. and people constantly try to address this issue through a variety of means. not being aware of any and also of their efficacy, i think the solution resides in addressing something more innate. one of the primary feeling / emotion / idea that needs bolstering up is confidence.

for any situation resulting in stress, we can perform a simple cost benefit analysis. check if there can be anything that can be done about it. if not, then accept it and move ahead and work on the losses. it ,however, is not an easy thing to do. the hardest part is the first sentence. followed by the third part. and i say this because they address the emotional part of the brain - which is prone to irrationality.

in the first point, i suggest performing a cost benefit analysis. a cost benefit analysis can be performed 1. subjectively and 2. objectively. objectively is more difficult and not possible every time but with training we can get better if not by a good margin. similarly in the third point consoling ourselves / the conscious self is more like suppressing the sub conscious ( which is stronger as we are in stress).

this makes me wonder though if we were like spock ( the star trek character who is completely rational), we would be stress free and not have a sub conscious at all, atleast have it on mute. what would it be like to be completely rational? one thing for sure is that it would be less fun.

that said, i am not sure if i would want to know the make up of my sub conscious. i think it is too scary for me to come to terms with.

i mainly speak about sub conscious promoting dark thoughts which certainly is not the case. the sub conscious is responsible for all emotions that are primitive. i just chose to highlight the ones relevant to the topic.

Monday, August 16, 2010


"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love." ~ Rose Walker (Neil Gaiman's "The Sandman: The Kindly Ones")

Sunday, June 13, 2010

equation for the future - part 1

in all things scientific, we have a rock solid explanation for everything. well i thought so till i read a very interesting book. it may be rock solid at the level of our observance / needs. but if we were to delve much deeper, chances are the same explanations might not hold true for similar behaviors. and these usually don't matter unless we really care about things at that level.

the book made me question could there be an equation to predict the future reasonably well? the reason for the question to occur is largely due to the book i am reading. to be succinct, if we aren't able to formulate an equation for a phenomenon, we aren't looking at it from a scale where we have enough information. put differently, all the participants required for the phenomenon are very chaotic to be represented as a formula. however if chaotic participants are looked at a level where their cumulative behavior is in order, that is when you can formulate an equation to represent the phenomenon ( which might be a level lower than we are currently looking at it).

this means that any idea can be represented as an equation. different ideas obviously will have a varying scale of observation for us to qualify an equation.

back to my original question? can we formulate an equation that will predict the future? notice, i modified my question, in it, i don't have reasonably the second time anymore. there are two reasons :

1. the equations are formulated to give out an exact value ( whilst formulating the equations, there might be certain assumptions made that introduce an error ).
2. if they introduce the error into the value, that means the system has not been examined well enough to adjust the error.

therefore, i can effectively say that since we formulate an equation, it should be able to predict the future with absolute accuracy.

so all this while, i have been circling the topic but have not actually addressed it. can we predict the future? lets talk it out on the factors affecting the system in the order of importance.

1. your actions - the main driving force for your
2. people around you who influence your decision.
3. other external factors (chaos theory).

notice that #3 can sometimes be really aggravated sometimes small enough to disqualify. this introduces the error into our equation.

enough for part 1. i hope this is going somewhere . i have no idea as to where it going as of now and what i type is something sort of an extempore.